Good Grief?

My first day back at work after my mother's death. I hate having to tell the "story" while my coworkers look at me with sad and droopy eyes, almost as if they are waiting for me to break down in tears. I try meet their expectations and I launch into some sordid detail about this whole experience of mine. They only nod their heads maintaining that look.

I did my crying. I did it in private. One of my sisters' asked not 48 hours after my mother's death, if I was done mourning. "I don't think the mourning ever stops" I told her.

Then she proceeded to berate me because I wasn't publicly displaying my feelings (or so this was my impression/interpretation of her tone, the berating), I wasn't crying uncontrollably in my mother's home while her friends paraded through to express their condolences.

Everyone grieves in their own way. Is there a right way to grieve? I think about if it were my husband, how would I react? Much the same? More debilitated? I think more debilitated, so does this make me a horrible daughter? Did I not love my mother as much others love theirs?

Really, my mother was a very kind and giving woman. But she was also mean as hell!! Which makes it easier to remember the bad about her. I loved my mom, but I hated her too. Perhaps, the reality of this will hit me at some unexpecting moment and I will grieve as I am expect to?