Thirteen Thoughts during my first official Alanon meeting:
1. "Really now, do we need to say 'Hi Betty', after every time someone speaks and introduces themselves???"
2. "What, what's happening?? I am nodding my head in agreement to what these people are saying!!"
3. "Does this really work? Everyone here is toting that it does??? I guess only time will tell."
4. "This girl swims, I should invite her to a Masters practice, do you think she would go?"
5. "Yup, that is what my sister said!"
6. "Seriously, STOP repeating everyone's name!!"
7. "Uuuh Oohh, it is almost my turn, should I pass? Should I speak? Think here!!"
8. "Why are these people talking like they themselves are diseased? Yes, healing is in order but they aren't the ones with the problem? I don't get it?"
9. "Ohh Shit, almost my turn, Gawd I am not good at talking to people!"
10. "Hi Betty"
11. "My name is Betty and this is my first meeting. I will tell you what my thoughts and feelings were about my first meeting at my second meeting."
12. "Gawd, there is a teenager here it could have benefited him if I had told my story about the first time I ever talked to someone about my experience growing up with alcoholism."
13. This is what I should have said....."My name is Betty and this is my first official meeting. But, I can remember the first time I talked to someone about my family's addictions and that was when I was in junior high school. I for some reason or another had made an appointment to speak to one of my teachers, who doubled as a counselor, at the same school where my father was a teacher. I don't remember anything that was said but I can remember that I was crying most of the time that I was in his office. I felt angry that I was reduced to tears and I blamed the teacher, I was mad as hell at him. I felt humiliated and weak for crying. I was embarrassed and felt that I had just betrayed my family by talking to someone outside the family and airing our dirty laundry. I felt I had just ruined my father's reputation and his job. I was sure this mans was going to talk to my father and my betrayal was going to be public knowledge. All I wanted was to feel better and I felt horrible and I never sought help again. |
1 Comments:
My dear sister, I have had similar thoughts, feelings and experiences within the rooms of AA, Alanon and ACOA groups.
All I can say is, you are not alone.
If you are looking to heal the deeper hurts of growing up in an alcoholic home, Alanon is a good place to start.
Your "My name is Betty" speech speaks to the pain and confusion many of us felt growing up in alcoholic homes. I learned all of those same rules too you know....
Don't tell.
Don't betray the family secrets.
Stuff the feelings.
Look good at all costs.
If you like, I can recommend some excellent resources directly related to ACOA's and to the journey we must often make if we are to achieve wholeness and healing.
Just let me know!
I love you.
By
Jerri, at June 08, 2006 7:46 AM
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