In Search of My True Passion
Good golly, 6 months since my last post and I am not any happier than I was back then. I do have to say tho, this blogging stuff is very therapeutic. And I think I write pretty good! If I do say so myself. So, anyway. Last year at BurningMan I met someone who designed a t-shirt for me (Dan Rollman www.snerko.com) . It was kinda like a fortune teller session, in order to design the perfect t-shirt for me, he interviewed me briefly and he came up with "In Search of My True Passion" Simply unbelievable how he hit the bulls-eye and I am now just realizing it.
Do we really know what we want to be when we grow up when we are just 18 years old and heading off to college? Is 34 too old to start over?
I think my problem is I get bored. I am that super smart kid in first grade that is acting out because the material is just not stimulating enough. I have looked back at my job history and at every job I have ever held I have gotten disgruntled and pissy. Except when I worked at Kentucky Fried Chicken, I only worked there for 4 months, not long enough to get bored. I try not to get bored by getting involved in whatever special projects are available. There are problems with that tho. First, I feel like my coworkers dissapprove because my special projects or committees take me away from my work. Paranoia on my part probably. And second, when I am on these committees I am not really empowered to make any changes. This is the biggest problem for me. Why put forth the effort and the time when the job that I am doing is most undoubtly going to be questioned, scrutinized, set aside, or simply dismissed all together?
There is a lot of stuff with my job that I don't know. How could I be bored? I don't know this stuff because I don't have to or I am not allowed to. Certain coworkers are the "experts" in specific areas and it is going to stay that way. It is their thing and just forget it if you think I am going to go and learn their speciality. There is also that thing called seniority which automatically makes the person before you next in line for the chain of command. Nevermind if they are qualified or not. Nevermind if they show inititive to get the job done. I made the mistake of actually stepping in to do a "lead" job, got thanked for doing it, then got criticized (a year and a half later when competency became an issue) because I am not a "lead". I did not see those "leads" stepping up to do the job, wanting to be involved in any part of the job even after they knew I was handling it, or indicated that I was not suitable for the job. So, what does one do? My answer is to just go to work and do what everyone else is doing. The bare minimum. Talk about boring. 34 is not too old to start over, but I may be 60 when I finally figure out what my True Passion really is.
Do we really know what we want to be when we grow up when we are just 18 years old and heading off to college? Is 34 too old to start over?
I think my problem is I get bored. I am that super smart kid in first grade that is acting out because the material is just not stimulating enough. I have looked back at my job history and at every job I have ever held I have gotten disgruntled and pissy. Except when I worked at Kentucky Fried Chicken, I only worked there for 4 months, not long enough to get bored. I try not to get bored by getting involved in whatever special projects are available. There are problems with that tho. First, I feel like my coworkers dissapprove because my special projects or committees take me away from my work. Paranoia on my part probably. And second, when I am on these committees I am not really empowered to make any changes. This is the biggest problem for me. Why put forth the effort and the time when the job that I am doing is most undoubtly going to be questioned, scrutinized, set aside, or simply dismissed all together?
There is a lot of stuff with my job that I don't know. How could I be bored? I don't know this stuff because I don't have to or I am not allowed to. Certain coworkers are the "experts" in specific areas and it is going to stay that way. It is their thing and just forget it if you think I am going to go and learn their speciality. There is also that thing called seniority which automatically makes the person before you next in line for the chain of command. Nevermind if they are qualified or not. Nevermind if they show inititive to get the job done. I made the mistake of actually stepping in to do a "lead" job, got thanked for doing it, then got criticized (a year and a half later when competency became an issue) because I am not a "lead". I did not see those "leads" stepping up to do the job, wanting to be involved in any part of the job even after they knew I was handling it, or indicated that I was not suitable for the job. So, what does one do? My answer is to just go to work and do what everyone else is doing. The bare minimum. Talk about boring. 34 is not too old to start over, but I may be 60 when I finally figure out what my True Passion really is.
posted by zaftig at
9:37 AM
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